Here are some points to consider when thinking about intimacy:
Sexuality is an important part of many relationships and needs to be addressed, even during treatment.
You are not alone. Most cancer patients and their partners have issues pertaining to sexuality and their treatment.
Do not make the mistake of defining your sexuality on the basis of your desire/ability to have intercourse. This puts too much pressure on you, and is a total falsehood. Human sexuality is much more fluid than this.
Understand that sexual issues during treatment arise for a number of different reasons. These include physical symptoms (pain, nausea) that may prevent intercourse from happening, the stress of your current situation may create performance issues, and you or your partner may have issues with self-image regarding body changes due to the disease or the treatment.
It is tremendously important to first acknowledge your feelings about your sexual self, and any reasons why thinking about your own sexuality is difficult. Then share this with your partner.
It is important for partners to maintain open communication and to continue physical contact like touching and tenderness to support and affirm each other.
Don’t be upset if you are unable to have intercourse for a time. It is all about perspective. Think about it as an opportunity to re-connect with your partner in a very special way.
Don’t be afraid to take things slowly. Don’t think you need to go ‘back to normal’ after your treatment. This will take some time. You may a have a ‘new normal’.
Don’t be afraid to have the conversation. Talk to your partner about sex. Chances are they are dealing with some of the same issues you are.
Get help if you need it. There are many counsellors who specialize in human sexuality, and it may make all the difference.
Click here to download a free copy of Sexuality and Cancer, a booklet published by the Canadian Cancer Society.
